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As many of you know, my place of dwelling consists primarily of a small space half-submerged in a pretty effective refrigerant. When the outdoor temperature is above 80, this system works surprisingly well. The indoor temperature usually remains comfortable, even when the outdoor temperature reaches the upper 90′s.
During the colder seasons of the year, however, the design becomes problematic, unreliable at maintaining that familiar level of comfort. Specifically, it gets crazy cold crazy quick. To offset this, there are a variety of solutions at my disposal – a diesel heater; various ceramic and coil heating systems, and (the preferred choice) 2 parabolic heating dishes.
One would think with so many options at my disposal, a workable solution would make itself apparent. There’s this expression that goes something like “cheap, effective, efficient. Pick two” that seems appropriate. Though a variety exists, each adheres to this philosophy. Specifically: The diesel heater runs on diesel, and also doesn’t really cover the area that needs heating very well. The ceramic heaters are basically useless for heating anything but about a 2cubic ft cone directly in front of them, which tends to randomly burst into flame and cause 3rd degree burns. There was an oil heater once too, but it really didn’t have a single redeeming quality.
So, the parabolic dishes are the only practical choice. Naturally, they too have issues. To use the analogy of the hot pocket, a la Jim Gaffigan, these things come in 2 flavors – frozen solid, or boiling lava hot. Admittedly, there is a third option that features a variety of temperatures to suit your mood. However, the sound produced in this mode is what you might expect when combining a swarm of mosquitos and that long, final baritone note of an opera performance. Eardrum-piercing and Skull-shattering all at once. To clarify, Death Valley and Arctic Freeze are the only useful settings. I use this term loosely.
With the temperatures of the current season, the result is a lot of minor adjustments in rapid sequence. Turn heater on, bundle up. Wait. Unbundle. Wait. Turn heater off. Wait. Repeat. Ridiculous.